It is also Thanksgiving Day, and my heart is unbelievably overwhelmed with gratitude for the love and comfort God has poured over me and my family during the last three months.
Zephaniah 3:14-18 (ESV)
“Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak.
17
The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.
18
I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival,
so that you will no longer suffer reproach.
19 FEAR NOT
Over the last three months, I've known what it is to fear. I've been inexplicably anxious for my children. I've fretted about money. I've been petrified that I do not even know who I am at the very core of my being. But at every turn, God has provided. Generously. He has met each need by watching over my children, by providing for our financial needs and by showing me over and over again that my identity is in him.
We decided that we wouldn't try to do a traditional Thanksgiving Day this year. There will be holidays in the future where we can redeem past traditions and create fresh ones for the new normal without John.
Our day's unique celebration included running/walking/taking-a-short-cut in the 108th Turkey Day Race with friends followed by a three-course dinner at one of our bucket-list restaurants. It was just the three of us for lunch, but God showed us right away that we were not alone. The maitre d' dropped off a sweet note and a gift card from anonymous friends right after we were seated. I cried. I hadn't even realized my fears for the day until I held that precious gift in my hands. God has loved us in this way over and over and over -- every fear has been met with faithfulness.
Today, on this day of thanksgiving, I am grateful that perfect love casts out fear.
LET NOT YOUR HANDS GROW WEAK
I have felt my hands -- and my heart, my mind, my body -- grow weak. I have had very little endurance, but God has been my strength at every turn. I have seen tangible evidence that he is surrounding me, filling me, and holding me up. He is my Mighty Savior.
And so many hands have come alongside to help me clean out and pack up my house, navigate a financial minefield and face several other mountains that had to be climbed. My
Today, on this day of thanksgiving, I am grateful for the strength that God provides.
HE WILL REJOICE OVER YOU WITH GLADNESS AND LOUD SINGING
My children and I have taken some difficult steps of faith and obedience over the last few months. God has given us an inexplicable peace -- and even joy -- as our hidden shame became very public and we chose to walk in the light and truth instead of hiding in the shadows.
We have heard our Father rejoicing over us in his Word and in the words of his children as they have shared their own struggles with addiction, depression and living a lie. And He has even shone us hidden treasures in the darkness.
Today, on this day of thanksgiving, I am grateful that my Father rejoices over me.
HE WILL QUIET YOU BY HIS LOVE
He has quieted my tumultuous heart and mind with his Word and songs of praise. My thoughts have been chaotic as the enemy has assaulted me with lies and accusations and shame and despair and many other devices and schemes.
The Father has been intimately present -- speaking directly to my heart through his Spirit. He has healed scars left by years of contempt with his oil of gladness.
He has also used his children. Cards and posts on Facebook, timely texts and phone calls with just the right words of encouragement, silent hugs, and friends simply standing by -- have shown me that God knows my every need. When people have said they are praying for me, I've known that it's true -- because God has moved to comfort me and my family through the presence of others.
Today, on this day of thanksgiving, I am grateful for the Father's quieting love.
HE WILL GATHER YOU WHO MOURN FOR THE FESTIVAL, SO THAT YOU WILL NO LONGER SUFFER REPROACH
This is something that is new for me -- the gathering of those who mourn. So many people have shared their grief with me. They tend to issue the disclaimer, "I know my grief is not the same as yours..." They are right. Everyone's grief is different. Ours is complicated by so many factors. I've been blessed by wise friends -- and cannot recall that anyone has said to me, "I know exactly how you feel."
But I have become convinced that deep calls to deep. One friend lost her child in a tragic accident. One is suffering from cancer. Another's husband is in prison and another's life was torn apart by divorce. Another is estranged from her adult son, while another is dealing with mental illness in her family. And so many others are mourning John. I know that my children and I are not alone in that. Our grief is not exactly the same, but each of these and others who mourn have offered comfort that comes from a very deep place. God has gathered them to me in truth and rawness and pain -- and our mourning unites us.
When the enemy can convince us that we are alone in our suffering, we suffer reproach. It doesn't matter that the reproach is based on lies -- we feel it to the core of our being. There is truth and healing in sharing with others who mourn.
Today, on this day of thanksgiving, I am grateful for those who mourn with me.
Today is November 26, 2015 -- my first Thanksgiving Day as a widow. God's mercies are new, and I am grateful for his presence, his promises, and his people. I know the alliteration seems trite -- but it's true, and I stand by it!
